Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
