I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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