Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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