i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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