I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
