I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
