I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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