I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Pooping to opera.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
