haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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