Three words: puerto rican gang bang
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
