and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
