there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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