Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
