smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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