I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
