I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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