Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
