So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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