Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
