How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
birth control should be required to get into college
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
