dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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