I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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