i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
