here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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