If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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