That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize
