watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I touched a dick in church today
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
