Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
