shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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