I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
