if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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