I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
