So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
