i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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