So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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