Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
