she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
