I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
