i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
