How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
