ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
even my farts smell like vagina
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My life is pants optional.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
