Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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