ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
