He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
