i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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