Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
