You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
