Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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