Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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