don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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