We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
