The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Vodka?
Forever.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize