Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
