Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
