Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Found your dick twin last night
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
