maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
