i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
