I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
