It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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