i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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