Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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