ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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