if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
