Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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