I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You made out with two different species that night
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
