Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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