Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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