Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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