So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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