p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We just shotgunned beers for America
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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