is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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