The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
