just come out here and I will go home with you...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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