I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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