guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
