She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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