Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
