he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
birth control should be required to get into college
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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