Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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