On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize