Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
