Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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