Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
