Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
