normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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