dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
