I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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