On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Is it because I queefed?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
it's great music for shaving your balls
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I need a burrito and a hug.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize