i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
