You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
