if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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