i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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