just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
