the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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