how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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