Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Randomize
