Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
