I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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