based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
