It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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