you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
